I don’t know how many people read this. Not too many, I hope. But I need to be completely honest. And I don’t really want to talk and write to myself.
So here it goes.
It seems like I can’t stop screwing up my life. There are so many times I’ve felt like I’ve tried so damn hard, and then failed. And today is a reminder of all the things I’ve worked hard for, all coming back at me and taunting me, telling me I’m just not good enough. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this useless. Even while writing this I’m acutely aware how much of an incompetent writer I am. Or as a communicator, as a matter of fact. I can’t sell my ideas. I blabber way too much for my own good. I get nervous too easily. I would like to think I have gotten better at my job. But knowing how much of an insecure person I am, it doesn’t take much to bring me down. I am just being honest. And then there is the part of being lied to. Which doesn’t sit well with me at all. I’ve never actually said it out loud, but if you have had any idea how much you’ve put me through, the past year, the last few years, you’ll not lie and disrespect me like the way you did. Yeah. Maybe I am jumping to conclusions. Maybe I’m bat shit crazy. But I’ve come to realise how disinterested you really are in my life. And I’m so mad, that after all this time, I would be so small in your eyes.
I’ve said, maybe I’m bat shit crazy. But maybe, I’m right.
